Moving Forward

/caution: unfinished + unpolished reflection ahead/

After this June, I will be done with high school. I will leave my school, maybe even my city and state, go to college, and move on with my life. Of course I will still have friends and family, even though I'll see them less frequently than in the past. There are people that I know now that I will slip away from, and lose contact with, but even as sad as that may be, I'm not worried. Even as stressful and daunting this college process may be at times, with writing essays and tests upon which so much weight is lain, trying to pull something together and say "this is where I might want to head in life," and getting lost in the names of a hundred places that are all viable options for continuing one's education, I'm not worried.


Even if I don't get in to the colleges I most want to attend, I may be upset, but not worried. There is more than one path to the mountain, or to Rome, or London, or Daejon, or wherever you want to go. I will try the best I can to go down my intended path, but if that doesn't work out I may be forced to consider alternatives. This will happen in life, and I am not going to complain about it even though I may not find it enjoyable to go through.

Things are meant to move forward. My high school has changed from how it was in its first couple years, for better and for worse. Though I regret what changed for the worse, I know that it may not be "for the worse" according to others, and that what happened cannot be undone, and so all there is to do is to try and initiate change in a new direction to reclaim the spirit of that which was lost, to adapt it.

 I will lose people in my life during the next few years, just as I will welcome new people in. Change is the constant; impermanence. Though I do not wish people to fade out of my life, in any sense of the word "fade," I realize that things just simply work that way, and there's no point grieving over it. I will try my best to maintain things that I want to maintain, and to build positive memories and experiences between me and those I know so that if and when things fall apart, there will be no bitterness or sorrow. Things will simply move on. My best friend recently moved across the continent, and three of my close family members died within the last few years. This is upsetting, yes, but I am grateful for the time I spent with them, and will be enriched by what I have learned from them and what I have experienced with them. And although I can't see my friend as often as I'd like to anymore, I will still do my best to maintain the relationship I have with her, and not let it slip away. Though I'm disappointed that we never got to do some things together, there will be time for new things in the future, and for that I am most glad.

In college, there are many things I want to study. I'm still confused about where exactly I want to go, since I want to head off in so many different directions. I don't need to obsess over it though, since I can just learn on my own...which is essentially what I've been doing for as long as I can remember. I'll just keep on doing what I've been doing, and it'll be fine.